Mississippi Squirming

Mississippi is the 49th or 50th state in damn near every quality of life statistic.  Now, a band of freaks -- long on religion and short on common sense -- wants to create one more datum anchoring the Magnolia state to the national cellar.  They are campaigning to amend the state constitution:

Be it Enacted by the People of the State of Mississippi: SECTION 1. Article III of the constitution of the state of Mississippi is hereby amended BY THE ADDITION OF A NEW SECTION TO READ: Section 33. Person defined. As used in this Article III of the state constitution, "The term 'person' or 'persons' shall include every human being from the moment of fertilization, cloning or the functional equivalent thereof." This initiative shall not require any additional revenue for implementation.

Don't these people know anything about female icky bits?  At least 50% of fertilized human eggs fail to implant in the uterus.  Those eggs have, typically, divided several times to form a hollow ball of about 150 cells called a blastocyst that is between 0.1 and 0.2 mm in diameter.  Or, about the size of the period at the end of this sentence.

Obvious segue:  all of those loser, non-implanted blastocysts become part of the woman's menstrual flow.  If Mississippi's nutcases get their amendment, the outflowing blastocysts are legally stillborn babies.  Deaths must be recorded, micro-corpses buried or cremated, and death certificates issued.  It gets ickier.  Lots ickier.  Every tampon and sanitary napkin used by every fertile, sexually active woman in Mississippi will need to be examined for dead blastocysts.  After all, you can't allow women to toss 'persons' in the trash or flush them down the toilet.  The old needle-in-a-haystack metaphor will be replaced by something like finding-a-period-in-a-period. 

Mississippi morons may say they can implement personhoodness without, "requir[ing] any additional revenue for implementation."   Right.  Funding the Mississippi Tampon Police (MISSTAMPOL) and the testing laboratories is gonna cost a bundle.  Maybe the new agency will be paid by a tax on feminine hygiene products which will, in turn, create a black market as entrepreneurs truck in cheaper products from neighboring states.  More work for law enforcement in a state that can barely afford its public servants.

Can these zealots think at all?